infinite potential, zen communication, and messy truths

A paint creation that attempts probably
unsuccessfully to capture
the main ideas of this post. 

A few days ago, I posted a status on a certain social network announcing that I wanted to help people access more of their potential. I believe we all have a mysteriously large amount of it, so why not help people tap it? And myself alongside them.  I feel not right about certain things I put out there, though. Maybe it's the concept of being a support that feels weird to me right now. I think I would rather just explore these things together. for now I don't know if I can help. I mean, I don't want that responsibility. It feels like a lot. I want to discuss, and listen, and just explore the questions of how to do more awesome things and how to simply love what is (Byron Katie just stopped by my brain). As a side, I'm hoping we never really understand What Is, but could only approach it with ever deepening accuracy. An interesting (though I ADD'd out a bit early in reading it) blog post on understanding science expressed the idea of accuracy vs certainty in the pursuit of truth. I like that we can never know 100%. That there is always that beautiful infinitesimal chance of something totally different. 

I want to change the way I communicate. Weird flow here but I still mean it. I want to be lighter in my words (also just a more skilled writer), and more fluid and connective: to perceive less separation between me and you. To realize we're often in the same boat, sailing down a weird river. To generate a sensation of oneness, connection, and feelings of love and joy especially. I hate feeling egotistical, cold, separate, but part of me feeds off that I think and perpetuates that way of communicating. Maybe something I write sounds clever, but if you look deeper, you could smell loneliness. I'd sacrifice the need to be perceived as smart, in order to experience love, connection and the raw, often messy but still gorgeous truth.

Right now my messy truth is work related. Today I feel better. (PMS is evil). Still, future plans are kind of a mystery.  I don't know what I'm doing exactly. I know what I want overall, but the specifics of those whats? And how to get there? DO NOT KNOW. Apparently this is very common for people in their twenties, and many I speak with confirm this. What are we doing? We don't know! How are we doing it? Pretending we do? I spoke with my cousin recently who is the same age as me and confirmed it. I and probably others typically feel alone in the not-knowing what we want exactly, often assuming most others have it figured out. But maybe a lot of us kind of pretend. I know I pretend when I say I'm good instead of I'm kind of having an existential crisis when someone asks me how I am. And maybe pretending isn't such a bad thing. Forcing smiles and laughter can lead to actual joy, they say.